Confessions of a teacher, part 2: Secret agent

This is the “part 2” of my not so popular “Confessions of a teacher, part 1” (to those who haven’t read, please do) and here I’ll talk about those three months of my life which ‘some of you’ want to know more about.

But I’m warning you. This will be very different. I’m writing this one in a style I’ve wanted to use for a long, long time. Some may call it noir or the hardboiled detective story, but I call it fun. You’ve been warned.

The events are real, but I gave them a creative spin. For those of you who may be familiar with the events, I’ve written them in a new way. You’ll see.

Oh yeah. This post is R-18. And a very long one. 😉

MISSED CALLS

My secret life as a call center agent

September 1, 2004
4PM

Shit.

That was my first thought when I got out of the elevator that stinked of newness. This place has an annoying smell. Like I can get rich here by telling lies. But that’s why we all come to this brand new dump. That’s the truth.

My coworkers greet me and I tug on my black jacket. This place is cold but I am colder.

“Excited for the first day, Martz?” Called out this guy named Marl. Five foot eleven, thin as a stick, and as genuine as those digital video discs sold in the those dark corners of illegitimate malls. His breath smells like fresh death. Cigarettes do that to you.

“I can’t wait.” Can’t wait to get out of this dump, more like it. So it’s 4:03 pm.

Seven hours and fifty seven minutes more to go.

Shit.

4:37pm

My first call arrived and it’s this guy from Ireland. McTaggart something. I can never recall their names. Remind me of McDonald’s.

I hate McDonald’s.

“My computer is unresponsive. The mouse isn’t moving.” Says the caller.

“Move your hand.” I respond.

“Pardon?”

“Never mind.”

“Uh… so what is it you want me to do?”

“Go to the store and buy a new computer. Ask them to install Norton Antivirus.”

“Will that work?”

“No it won’t, but it’s worth a try.”

And he dropped the call. Good boy. Run to the store.

And move your hand.

2:05am

I’m off by 2am but this caller won’t let me leave. I was almost waiting for him to hold my hand and ask me to marry him.

“Please, don’t leave me. The computer is shutting down by itself.”

“Okay, we need to get to safe mode. Press F8.”

“Now?”

“Wait for the computer to turn on.”

“Okay.” Nice. Obedient. I like that.

I waited a few seconds.

“I’m pressing F8 but there’s a beeping sound.”

“Ah. That means its working.”

“Really? Nothing bad will happen?”

I kept silent. I was fixing my bag.

“Oh, it got back to Windows.”

Damn. Idiot. “Alright. Keep pressing F8 until something happens.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes. F8 is key. We solved your problem. Call us again if you need help.”

“Oh, thank you! I’ll just press F8 when something bad happens.”

“Yeah. Do that.” As I said, idiot.

And I went home. It’s sweet.

September 9

I’ve been here for more than a week. I’m starting to smell new and was getting better at telling lies. I’ll get rich here. That’s the truth. It’s so easy when the world has no choice but to believe you.

1:14am

There are two kinds of people in this world. Smart people and stupid people.

This job made me realize how wrong that was.

“I need help. I’ve been getting this sasser worm everytime I log on the internet.”

“Sasser? That’s easy, sir.”

“Alright. I’m ready to do whatever you want me.” Now that’s a thought.

“First, we need to get you off the internet. Kindly unplug your phoneline, sir.”

“Okay, then.”

And then there was silence. And a long beep.

Shortest call of the night. We win points for that.

And I want to win.

September 21

They say that the youth is the future. But people can be wrong. I am still pretty young.

And in this place they don’t care what your past was. You’re a present to them. Young, naive, eager, unambitious. A lamb to the slaughter.

You have no future in this place.

10:14pm

I answered the call and spoke with a nice English kid. Felt like speaking to Harry friggin’ Potter. Good thing I can speak Hogwarts.

“Sir, there seems to be a trouble with our personal computer.”

“Ah. What seems to be tha trouble with yah personal computah?” I replied in kind.

“Well, whenever I go into Windows and log onto the internet, I get these popup messages with casinos and naked girls on them.”

“Have you been surfing for porn?”

“Excuse me?”

“Those pop-ups. You want to get rid of them?”

“Uh, that would be great.”

“Alright. Go install a pop-up blocker. Go to http://www.lavasoft.de and download Ad-Aware.”

“But I can’t get onto the internet with all these pop-ups. And all the Windows have pictures of naked women.”

“Aha! You have been surfing for porn! Let me speak to your daddy!”

Fun times.

October 1

3:15am

We celebrate our first month of telling lies by telling lies. All twelve of us sat at this long table but there was no Christ. We were all Judas.

But my favorite Judas was this guy named Paul. Second favorite is Joey, the second of four Joeys I get to know in my life. All of them pretty smart.

Marl began. “So what were you like before and want do you want to do in a year.” He waited for a bit. “I’ll start.” He loves to go first.

We listen to him. This isn’t his first job. That isn’t his first girlfriend. This isn’t his first beer. That isn’t his first dream car. I’ve known guys like these all my life. One of these days, his next breath will be his last. And his tombstone will read: first death.

I wish him luck.

Paul goes next. “I have one year left to go before I finish chem eng, but I dropped out.”

“Why?” I asked for real.

“Got bored. Didn’t have money. So I left and decided to work.”

Lies, all lies. It’s always about a girl.

“How about you, Joe?”

Joey was always a smart one. He didn’t look like he belonged in this country and so he calls this hellhole home. We don’t.

“I don’t know. I’ll see how far I can go here.” That sounded true. Doubt is always true.

“And you, Mart?” I hate Marl.

“I don’t know. I just want enough money to buy that.”

And they all looked at my index finger and traced it to whatever I was pointing at.

“Black Honda Civic SiR. Nice choice.”

That was another Judas. His name is Cody.

“I can get that for you.”

And Cody was my new best friend.

He had all the silver coins.

October 9

Zambales

They say that time makes all human beings equal. No matter how rich you are. Or poor. How smart. Or stupid. We all have the same number of seconds, minutes, hours and days.

Today I almost ran out of time. Today I almost died. No kidding.

My team and I hit the beach because the city kills. I rode with Cody because he drives pretty fast. Live hard, die young. But his driving didn’t almost kill me.

The beach did.

We were at the water by 10:45am and we all raced into the sea. The water lapped just below our knees. It did so for about a kilometer out. We rushed to meet the waves and unknown to us, our deaths.

It must be around 11am when the waves came in more furiously. We were amused, but they were out to kill us. And in one second, a wave crashed on top of all of us. The water, which was knee deep, now hang a meter overhead.

I panicked. We panicked.

I could swim and I tried, but I was already too scared. And I surrendered. I welcomed death with open arms. And I begged for forgiveness. I was cold, but the sea was colder.

This was my inevitable karma for letting my dreams die.

11:03am

A strong arm dove into the water and latched onto mine. I was dragged up to the surface and a voice begged me to swim. And so I swam. I never thought heaven was underwater.

And heaven had sand. Lots and lots of sand.

I kissed the ground and looked for Heaven’s Gates. But I only saw Cody.

“Don’t look at me. I didn’t save you. He did.”

And following his finger, I saw him. His name was Alfred. I must have thanked him. I think I did. I am not too sure, because beneath my breath I cursed myself.

“So you’re alive. Now, what the fuck do you do with your life?”

I had no fucking clue.

12:00 midnight

The group lit a bonfire to celebrate. I walked far away beneath the stars to contemplate. Death does that to you.

“So here we are with our second chance at life,” went Cody. “How long do you think before we screw this up?”

I fell silent. For once, nothing smart to say. No poison in my tongue.

Cody waited as we sat in silence. I began to cry.

“You know what?” I said. “I don’t think I’ll wait for my life to get screwed again.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.” And my eyes hurt.

October 25

They say God made the world in seven days. He created light and it was good. He separated the waters and the sky, and it was good. But before he rested he created man.

Wrong move. An afterthought.

That’s why he created woman.

But sometimes I ask, was there no other way?

Don’t mind me. I’ve been feeling spiritual lately.

October 26

Life was getting back to normal. If normal meant answering calls made by stupid people, then so be it. I was ready to resign by the end of November.

Until then, I would entertain myself.

10:57pm

I picked up the call and heard the voice of panic. It sounded blond. Sixth one tonight.

“I’m having problems installing my virus.”

“Excuse me? Do you mean anti-virus?”

“Oh, yeah that. Is there a difference?”

Dear father in heaven, hollowed be her brain. “Yes, there is. Let’s continue.”

“Uh… okay.”

“Insert the CD in your drive.”

“What’s a drive?”

“It’s that rectangular thing with small buttons. Look for it. One button opens the drive. It looks like a small rectangle with a triangle on top.”

“Okay, found it.” Oh, thank heavens. She works.

“Alright. Now put in your virus CD.” I figured I speak her language.

“Okay, let me get it.” And I hear the pitter-patter of footsteps into the distance.

The distance? Where did she put that CD?

“Alright, it’s in.”

“Good work. Let’s wait for it to autorun.”

“Auto-what?”

Ugh. “Never mind.”

And we waited. Somewhere in my head, music began to play.

“So is the CD working?”

“Yes, it is! I hear music!”

Dear all things holy! Why didn’t you let me drown?

“Miss. Would you happen to have another CD? One that says N-O-R-T-O-N A-N-T-I-V-I-R-U-S.”

“Oh, that.” She thinks for a while, I think. “I think I saw one earlier.” She thinks!

“Alright. Can we get that CD in the drive please?”

“Oh, okay.” At least she didn’t ask to finish the song.

I hear the faint sounds of a drive opening then closing.

“It’s set.”

“Alright miss. Let’s wait for an install window to appear.” And we wait for a while.

We wait longer.

“Anything miss?”

“Nothing’s happening.” I actually panicked, then I remember who I was talking to.

“Miss, let’s double click on MY COMPUTER please.” She clicks. “Then double click on your CD Drive.” She clicks.

“Oh, it says there is no CD in drive.” Oh please, don’t let my suspicions be true.

“Okay, miss. Let’s open your CD drive again, please.”

I hear it open.

Time to test my theory. “Do you see a shiny side?”

“Shiny?” Oh, dear lord. “Yes, yes I do.”

I resign.

November 1

4:00pm

It’s the day of the dead and here I am in the office. Working. At least they’re not visiting me six feet under. That’s good enough.

I say a prayer. October is done. The plan is to get out by the end of November. Great if it happens sooner.

People had been leaving for greener pastures. One or two left to chase their dream. I was still looking for mine.

In this place of telling lies, it’s hard to figure out the truth. I didn’t want to waste my second chance in life.

November 2

8:54pm

It was a slow night. The shift was almost over and I haven’t had ten calls. Then I pick up to the voice of an old lady.

“I need help with my virus scanner…”

And her words trailed off. In the corner of my eye, my mobile phone lit up with an unknown number. “Ma’am, I would like to put you on hold for a moment while I check your file.”

“Okay.” Of course there was no file.

I hid underneath my desk and answered my mobile.

“This is Mr. Job and we have an assignment for you.”

And I listened intently. Whatever it was, it couldn’t wait. And so couldn’t my caller. He would call again tomorrow.

I returned to my call. “Ma’am, you will need to run a virus check, let me teach you how.”

“Thank you, son. That’s the sweetest thing.”

“Yes, ma’am. It was.”

Whoever thought that in a place where phone calls damned me, it was another phone call that would save me. In a place of telling lies, the truth gets through. The man upstairs gave me a second life. It was time I made it count.

He gave me one life and two. Time I paid him back.

God can be a mean banker.

AFTERWORD

You already know how the story goes from here. I got into Pisay on November 16 and officially resigned from the call center on November 19.

I was almost fired from the call center because I no longer reported after I got into Pisay. Don’t do that! Haha! But I showed up for my last few calls on the 19th, and my friends and I went out for one last time that night.

I may have painted my call center life in a very negative light, but I think what I wrote captures exactly what I felt at that time. It was a dead end that I wanted to get out of. There were some light moments of course, but in this case, the yin overpowered the yang.

So if the post didn’t sound like me, thank you. That was intentional. 🙂

All the events are real. The calls are real. Perhaps, I colored up my attitude a bit and that’s it. But yeah, we played tricks in our calls sometimes but often because we were bored. And it was fun to piss off the QA (quality assurance) who listened to our calls sometimes. Hahaha! Are these all the jokes I played? Hell, no. But these were the best of what I can remember. I’ll share whatever I recall in the future, if you’re interested.

But on a serious note, playing around was my way of rebelling against the system. I hated the system. It didn’t allow for creative thought or innovation. We were made to answer our calls a certain way and stick to pre-set solutions. Even if we knew a better and faster solution, we had to follow the manual. My brain doesn’t work that way. Don’t worry though. I’m not all mean or crazy. I actually talked to some of my callers and made ‘friends’. It takes a very long time for a virus scan to finish after all.

Lastly, on the part where I almost died, no joking there. That was 100% true. I can still remember the sun, the water and the fear. I have nightmares of this every now and then, but not as frequent as two years ago. The incident in Zambales really awakened me and made me realize that I’ve been wasting my life and that I’m meant for something greater.

And so are you!

I hope my sharing entertained you, and gave you a look behind Sir Martin the teacher and into Sir Martin the person. We’re not so different, you know.

I didn’t live the perfect life because simply, there is no such thing. But we all make decisions and encounter situations which will shape who we are. So don’t feel bad when bad things happen. Things do become better and when I tell you that, you know I speak from experience.

So keep smiling. Bad times make us earn the right to laugh, have fun and enjoy life.

And in closing, I don’t believe in fate. But I believe in doing everything I can until my destiny is revealed.

My story doesn’t end here. And I hope through this blog, we all get to discover what the next chapters are.

Good night!