Why I actually need (and want) this break

I talked about why the sudden change in schedule below. Now, what to do in two weeks? A list of things I intend to do:

  • Slow down and take a deep breath.
  • Finish reading Lord of the Rings, Guests of the Ayatollah, and Descent into Chaos. (Just three books but they have about 1,800 pages between them.)
  • Write a little bit more.
  • Enjoy Blackest Night.
  • Take out my AX team to unwind.
  • Remap SS2 for the ‘new’ school year.

Personally, this break is a case of “Be careful what you wish for.”

Since the school year began, I’ve been having trouble finding my feet under me. Life felt very much like a lucid dream I’ve been wanting to wake up from. After a relatively lethargic summer, I’ve had trouble finding my rhythm in the classroom. I miss the reckless idealism I once had that made every minute at work an adventure. There were flashes of it during my last lectures, but just flashes.

Instead, I feel that I’ve been playing it safe. I’ve silently told myself that I want a conflict-free school year. I’m not really the type to carry ill will and I don’t want to become someone comfortable doing so. Yet wanting to be conflict-free is Superman not flying because he wants to avoid kryptonite. I paralyzed myself. I need to give myself the extra headroom to move. To be creative. To take risks. Right now I feel compressed and restricted. In breaking free, I will inevitably collide with something.

I’ve always known what I have to do. I suppose now it’s a case of whether I want to do it. I am at my core a self-motivated man. Yet more and more I see the limitations of how far I can move me. There has to be something else out there.

I need this break so I can really get my head on straight. I know I’m not giving what I know I can. So now I got time. I’ve got two weeks. Time to make it matter.


5 thoughts on “Why I actually need (and want) this break

  1. I agree with you Sir concerning this break. I myself was a bit shaky (and feverish) last week and the previous weeks. Furthermore, the dorms don’t just need disinfection. Rather, they’re actually flooded (my room included). Also, I don’t mean to be disturbing or offensive Sir but I also noticed, during the past weeks, a slight change in your behavior as well. It seemed Sir as if you tense about some things and whatnot. It’s good that we have this breather to try and loosen up.

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