I talked about why the sudden change in schedule below. Now, what to do in two weeks? A list of things I intend to do:
- Slow down and take a deep breath.
- Finish reading Lord of the Rings, Guests of the Ayatollah, and Descent into Chaos. (Just three books but they have about 1,800 pages between them.)
- Write a little bit more.
- Enjoy Blackest Night.
- Take out my AX team to unwind.
- Remap SS2 for the ‘new’ school year.
Personally, this break is a case of “Be careful what you wish for.”
Since the school year began, I’ve been having trouble finding my feet under me. Life felt very much like a lucid dream I’ve been wanting to wake up from. After a relatively lethargic summer, I’ve had trouble finding my rhythm in the classroom. I miss the reckless idealism I once had that made every minute at work an adventure. There were flashes of it during my last lectures, but just flashes.
Instead, I feel that I’ve been playing it safe. I’ve silently told myself that I want a conflict-free school year. I’m not really the type to carry ill will and I don’t want to become someone comfortable doing so. Yet wanting to be conflict-free is Superman not flying because he wants to avoid kryptonite. I paralyzed myself. I need to give myself the extra headroom to move. To be creative. To take risks. Right now I feel compressed and restricted. In breaking free, I will inevitably collide with something.
I’ve always known what I have to do. I suppose now it’s a case of whether I want to do it. I am at my core a self-motivated man. Yet more and more I see the limitations of how far I can move me. There has to be something else out there.
I need this break so I can really get my head on straight. I know I’m not giving what I know I can. So now I got time. I’ve got two weeks. Time to make it matter.