In clearing out my closets this morning, I rediscovered a lot of old, college stuff: old readings (what I have my students photocopy are only 1/1000 of what I’ve been asked to photocopy), old and discontinued journals, school papers, letters and the graduation programme. And then in the topmost shelf, I saw this:
My old judogi. I held it in my hands and ran through its creases. Somehow the stains of sweat are gone but the smell of the dojo lingered. Then, I tried to put it on.
However, the first thing I noticed was how it was too large for me now. It felt like it could clothe a cow, and indeed I was a cow once. But this was the reason I cleared out my closet. I’ve been rediscovering my love for judo lately, and I have followed my feelings to this moment: I want to step back in the dojo.
I’ve always hoped to do that at some point in my life and now seems like a perfect moment. My current schedule can handle night trainings, and I’ve reached the mental discipline necessary to appreciate and master judo even more. And physically, I am at a great spot right now — with a new diet, regular badminton and yoga sessions, I’m on track to becoming my fittest. I just have to keep it up and it’s time to kick it up a notch with judo. Somehow, I just get it now and so I’d like to see how that is when I step back on the mat after five years.
I have my current students to thank for this — during one spontaneous moment in class, I demonstrated a judo technique and that flicked on a switched somewhere and a part of me exclaimed — “Hey! You loved to do this! Let’s do this again!”
That little snapshot is current, although I refuse to show myself in complete gear until I finally step on the mat again. Right now, this is a feeling I believe I must follow. I already texted my former coach and I’m just waiting for a reply. Pretty soon, I’ll have to buy myself a new gi.
And maybe, just maybe, I can finally start that Pisay Judo Club in the future. 🙂
UPDATE: Just got in contact with my coach. I’m starting soon and he’s ordering my a brand new Adidas gi. 🙂